Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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