My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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