Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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