I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
