hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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