I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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