So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
