I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nicole vs. Life
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
