My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
