u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
