party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this beer tastes like vomit already
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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