i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
