dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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