My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
