I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
