just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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