Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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