sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
