This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i now understand why vodka
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