I accidentally had phone sex last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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