Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
