too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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