gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
