ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
