so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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