The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
