I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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