You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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