Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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