I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
