You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
