there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
