I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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