my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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