no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
