There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize