please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
