I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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