you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
