I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
