I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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