How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
