hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
