My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
