Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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