What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
