They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
