Come see our sink grown plant.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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