She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
