ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
