peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
