I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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