I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
