1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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