I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
