There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
