put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
