I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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