Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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