I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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