It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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