Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
