HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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