You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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