Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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