apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
porn star boner night. come get it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
