i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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