She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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