South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
