She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
