I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
