The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just sucked dick on a ferry