You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed