Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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