this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
operation harelip BJ is a go
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
