you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
