@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
