And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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