Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
