I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
