at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
