Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
