hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
